April 26 • This Not That

Day 291 I've always felt capable but not competent. I've always felt loved, but not lovable. These are a few more contradictions from Addiction Road, and more nuanced barriers to overcome on the Path to Recovery.

The idea of setting boundaries between myself and other people is particularly daunting. Who am I to have the right to say when I've had enough or when this moment is more true than that or why someone's demands of me are less compelling than my demands of them, or of myself.

I go to dark places when I wrestle with these uncertain expectations, and with the right to be as worthy as the next person. The boulevard of such struggles seems to me to be wide with options, but very, very long to resolutions. I don't know how to navigate this road, but I want very much to claim the peace of being the me that learns to be intuitive and humble and confident with such needs.

So, the returns thus far from my program are positive, and I recommit every day to working the steps and trusting my Higher Power... for at least another day. –JR