December 18 • Cowardly Kitty

Day 527 Risk-averse people have always fascinated me. They were cowards that would rather stay where they were than go out in the world and take chances that could make their lives better, wealthier, and more fulfilled. That was in the world of careers and economics. Now I'm learning that I've been the cowardly lion; even as I took bold actions in my persona, I would cower against any threat of discomfort at home. I thought protecting my family meant keeping disagreements and conflicts away from them and away from me. I could not have been more wrong; it is in the fright of conflicts that we find our boundaries. In the storm of disagreements, we find our best friends, whether they be lovers or not. In the honesty of owning our feelings and their consequences, we learn the fears are rarely founded. Telling the truth with every word still seems an unreachable goal, but it's what I want to do and who I want to be. On another note: This is a key date in my recovery and frankly, not one I expected to experience. Today's journal entry marks the completion of one full year of daily exorcising, 52 full weeks of enough discipline to look at my recovery, and my addiction, every day with as much honesty as I could muster. I cannot claim that it has been a joy ride, but it nonetheless feels mighty damn good. It has healed me in some areas, and it has exposed open wounds in others. With the strength and blessing of my Higher Power, my fight to stay sober continues, one day and one journal entry at a time. –JR But if you're lookin' for a fist and you're lookin' to unite Put your knuckleheads together make a fist and fight Not to your death and not to your grave I'm talking about that freedom fight like a brave –Red Hot Chili Peppers, ”Fight Like A Brave"