July 31 • A Teachering Moment

Day 753 I hear myself sharing ideas and even advice with other addicts, and I question my standing to be offering any help to anyone, especially another sex addict. But sometimes I'm listening to myself, and I give a little inner-soul chuckle with the thought, "I didn't know I knew that..." When I was teaching adult classes, I would often marvel at how much more I learned while preparing to teach a particular subject than I could ever hope to convey in a limited-time classroom. Is that same phenomenon happening in recovery? Am I actually learning some of this stuff at an internal level that could be rewiring the conductors of my shredded brain? Wouldn't that be nice! In one such recent moment, I was regurgitating what someone had preached to me some weeks ago. I was complaining about a variety of classic issues in my struggles, including having to take anti-depression meds every day. "It sucks to be an addict," was the guy's calm reply. He wasn't being cheeky; he was telling me that sick people have problems, and injured people have scars. And as for the meds, he suggested I find a way to be thankful for these damn little happy pills that let my mind think more clearly, and my heart (metaphorically) beat in better rhythm. I had heard similar exhortations many times from doctors and family, but there was something different about hearing it in the context of my recovery. I've been trying to step back from all the things that bug me, and see whether there might be something in those irritants for which I should be thankful. I don't want to play the 'silver-lining' game that minimizes the negative impacts of bad stuff. But I do want to be grateful for the parts of things I don't like that could be there for my benefit. If a Higher Power is helping me in this program, I gotta think that's a small part of what He could be doing for me, and that's a big reason to be thankful for them. And if being thankful can keep my head from exploding in response to things that do not matter, that seems like it could be an additional benefit. –JR